Love is all you need...

Today is my father's fifty-something-th birthday and my family celebrated with a chocolate cake that came from a box, previously burnt candles, and hand-made cards. We sliced cake, slurped on melting Bluebell ice cream, and fell in and out of conversation while engulfing chocolatey goodness. Dad, having everyone at the table and enjoying his celebration, stated between mouthfuls that it was great to have everyone think of him on his birthday. Yes, my father is a sensitive man and probably wanted to hear 'we think of you every day dad' (in which we do) but instead we just responded collectively that we loved him and appreciated all he did. Although my sisters and I say this quite a bit (because he likes to hear it and plays 'woe is me' just to know he's appreciated) I believe it impacted him in a different way just by the look on his face. His eyebrows relaxed, the muscles underneath his cheeks rippled, his skin glowed. He was so warm and so happy, so full of love. His stance was intoxicating as I too while looking around the silent table began to feel full inside my stomach. I don't want to think it was just from the gigantic piece of cake my sister sliced for me, but of something I felt in my viens. Love, of course. I am a people person and on this spiritual journey, if you will, thus far I have tried to concentrate just on MY actions, to seclude myself completly and learn to indulge in my own emotions. I felt starved that way, like I wasn't recieving anything from it. I am one who has to be surrounded my people and while being alone may prove to be theraputic and telling at times, it doesn't make me FEEL at ease, at peace with myself and my surroundings. Maybe it's okay that I find inner peace through love of others and those around me. Perhaps this pulsing love around me is why I'm content with myself for the most part...to know I'm loved and can connect with others on an intimate level. I like to share experiences with others, gain their opinions, learn from their wisdom and experiences...this helps me learn and thus, grow. I find comfort driving down the highway with my best friend, coming down from a mountain side to safety, napping in my boyfriend's embrace, sitting with my family over a home-made chocolate cake...I find peace not from meditating in my closet or seeking solitary confinement in the woods but from existing with another, just existing whether that's going on a church camping trip or passing out on the couch. Yes, I'm interested in yoga and mental exercises, eastern religious practices to reach a personal high point, but perhaps with another or be able to strike a balance between the two. I feel this 'inner peace' in my day to day with people I love unconditionally and with those that love me back. I just need to keep up with my relationships, keep hugging, holding on, crying, laughing....loving.

I fit inside of you. I can be inside of you.

I tried this meditation mechanism a few days ago with a close friend. After watching a few movies we both collapsed on the couch and with eyelashes batting, discussed meditation, if we knew anyone who practiced it, what peace that brought. My friend wrapped his arms around me and drew me toward his massive chest. Attempting to meditate, or nap rather, we both took notice in how we both attempted to synchronize breaths, even though lung capacities were quite different, without thinking about it, me (the smaller) would hold my breath and release the air once he had. It creates a balance of sorts.
"I tried meditating once," he informed me as our chests heaved in and out rhythmically . "I lit some incense, you know, sat cross legged, and tried to block everything out of my mind."
"Did it work?"
"It was difficult to get everything off my brain...but was awesome while it lasted. I felt light," he opened one eyelid and peered at my blank face. "But then I got a headache from in carbon monoxide from the incense and had to open the windows and it got cold."
I laughed and remained curled up on our sides for a few moments.
"Try to relax everything in your body. Start with your toes," I whispered, "then work your way up...picture a flaming ball growing out of your heart...what color is yours?"
"Blue...greenish."
"With each breath feel it expand to as big as you want, then move it with your core energy to any painful area on your body."
We 'did' this for five minutes or so before he asked what color mine was.
"It's red, fiery red, and has orange flames coming out of it..."
"Like...the sun."
We laughed and the concentration was broken. I didn't FEEL anything mystical or come to any mystical enlightenment for the time allotted. It was probably because his presence was distracting.
I did FEEL though, something much simpler. The act of being together, the balancing, the rhythmic breathing did serve therapeutic. Being with another is comforting. Lovely. Just relaxing...is this some type of meditation? I think so...
As my friend was lulling off to sleep and his breaths became deeper and longer winded I thought deeper into the previous conversation. With the lung capacity he had, I felt, wrapped up in his arms, engulfed, trapped, swallowed whole. "Complete or touched" if you will. I desperately wanted to wake him and say, 'I can fold into your ribcage, every breath I breathe out, each time my lungs deflate, back collapses, my soul sinks into you. I fit inside of you. I can be inside of you.'
I felt inner calm...peace as my breaths resulted to steady inhales and exhales in tune with his sleepy sighs. I too, sailed, drifted to sleep, my fiery red and orange flamed healing orb over my heart.